I spik inglish very uell con i curs de agusten
liberamente tratto da un racconto di un emigrato meridionale all'estero che prova a parlare inglese..
One day ima gonna Australia to bigga hotel. Ina morning I go down to eat a breakfast. I tella waitress[1], I wanna two pissis toast[2]. She brings me only one pissis. I tella her I want two pissis. She say go to the toilet. I say you no understand. I wanna two piss ona my plate, she say you better not piss onna plate[3], you sonna ma bitch! I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch[4]
Later I go to eat at the bigga restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and knife but no fock[5] I tella her, I wanna fock. She tell me everyone wanna fock. I tella her you no understand. I wanna fock on the table. She say you better not fock on the table, you sonna ma bitch![6] I don’t even know the lady and she call me sonna ma bitch!
So I go back to my room inna hotel and there are no shits onna my bed[7]. I call the managerand tella him, I wanna shit. He tella me to go to toilet. I say you no understand, I wanna shit on my bed[8] He say you better not shit onna bed, you sonna ma bitch. I don’t even know the man andd she call me sonna ma bitch.
I go to the checkout an d the man at the desk say peace on you[9]. I say piss on you too[10], you sonna ma bitch, I gonna go back to Italy.
So I go to reseptione and ask for a bill[11]. I wanna stay in this hotella no more. When I have paid ze billa, ze portier say to me: "Thank you and piss on you". So I say "Piss on you to, you sonna wa bitch. I go back in Italy. I never comma stay at your hotella no more, you sonna ma bitch!"
Note:
1] Intende hostess [2] intende two pieces [3] lui legge two pieces on my plate (2 pezzi nel piatto) come to piss on my plate (pisciare nel piatto) [4] non la conosce e lei gli ha già dato del figlio di zoccola! [5] Intende forchetta (fork) ma lo pronuncia fuck! [6] Lui vuole una forchetta, ma pronuncia come voglio fottere! [7] Vuole dire sheets (=coperte) ma lo pronuncia come shit (=merda) [8] Vuole le coperte sul letto, ma come lo pronuncia significa "Voglio cagare sul letto"! [9] Forma di saluto, letteralmente pace su di te [10] Non capisce "peace" (pace) bensì "piss" (pisciare) [11] conto